A scary peep into the mind of your average garden variety Juli

This song retroactively inspires the last two posts.
I've heard before, but i just rediscovered it and feel better.
Retroactively for the future

Envelop-ed in wood of golden hue
In darkness rival-ed by naught but death
My socks with human thought I did imbue
Though fair cotton ne'er did breathe a breath

They railled 'gainst their fate. Imprisonment
Was surely never meant for such as they
And their softened blows made nary a dent
'Gainst golden wood. They quoth "This shit be gay."

In abject misery they spent their time,
pacing away the hours, until they chose
to plan their prematurely punished crime
Deliberately gnawing off their toes

O, vengeful footwear! Destroying thyselves!
Vill-ains! from now you shall be kept on shelves.

*bow* *bow*

2 am-ten-minute-uber-structured-poetry. I might make this a "thing".
or not. I might not make it a "thing". I'm thinking not.
yeah. not.

haven't Written anything more than a page long in...at least a year.
There's only so long you can milk "writer's block"
which i never claimed to have.

I'm in serious danger of having to come up with something else to say when people ask what i do.
School and writing is coming close to being entirely lies
I can only stand for it being 50% false. After that I really have to put my foot down, you know?

Terrified, because now i'm an adult. When you're writing as an adult, feels like you should be Saying something. Or at least writing well, by this point.
Standards: The downfall of any writer.
Your own expectations will sneak up behind you, clad entirely in black, as you walk down the street at night arm in arm with your work.
Your expectations will swiftly knock your piece's feet out from under it. They will use the fishing line they brought for this purpose to wrap tightly around the neck of your writing, cutting into the veins which, your expectations will hiss, pump with contrivances, cliche, and grammatical errors.
You can do nothing but watch, horrorstruck, as the life floods from your precious plot points, the dialogue forms itself soundlessly on the lips of your masterpiece and it slumps against a slimy brick wall, stifled. Your expectations turn their brooding and cynical glare on you. And walk straight into you and once more become one with you. You look at your gloved hands, at the dead pages that You strangled, and you think in horror "What have i done?"
And then
after a moment
you think
"Well, maybe A Sonnet For My Sock Drawer wasn't that fantastic.
And "a duck and his banjo" certainly wasn't going to win any prizes.
And "The Innkeeper's Gastrointestinal Discomfort?"!? What was I thinking!"
Somewhere in the back of your head, your expectations smile. They smirk, they grin wickedly, and they whisper
"That's right. You can do better. So much better."
and you turn remorselessly from your crimes.
Maybe your expectations were right, maybe you can do better, and maybe the innkeeper did need to die.
But the tragedy is you didn't give the duck
or his banjo
the ghost of a chance.

And this is why we should have universal healthcare.
Love, Julianna Waterworth, age 19, Mrs. Hitz english class.

My internet browser is a big pile of banjo tablature
My phone is a big pile of No texts from No-one, and I'm okay with that
my laundry is...not getting done today
Richard is not going to see me today
(huzzah)
I have this inexplicable attachment to the word huzzah, lately.
I'm being attacked with random paranoia about exes stalking me
tomorrow is thanksgiving


THANKFULNESS TIME!

I'm thankful that the people I Do know, I've known for a really long time. For some reason this means a lot to me.
I'm thankful for my youth. Youth is bitchin, yo.
I'm thankful I can say I've full-out bitchslapped at least one person who fully deserved it, in my life.
I'm thankful that I'm not required to have any contact of any sort with richard ever again in my life
ever ever ever ever ever ever ever
I'm thankful that my grandpa called me "at least 10 pounds overweight", last time i saw him, so I have an excuse to not eat nasty thanksgiving food. (I HATE YAMS!!! Fuck this "sweet potato" propaganda, it's like calling smelly swamps "wetlands". They're yams, and there's nothing appealing or tasty about them, it's a waste of perfectly good marshmallows and brown sugar to try!)
not a fan of turkey, stuffing, yams, carrots, or pumpkin pie on facebook.

Lol, tomorrow I'll be sitting in a corner, eating a full plate of canned jellied cranberry sauce, jumping and yelping anytime the words "college" or "driver's license" come up.
seriously, they make fresh cranberry sauce every year, but they buy canned for me, because it's just about the only thing i eat.

hope y'all enjoy your various thanksgivingses!

I am now Officially living in tempe, with Veronica.

imaginary World war I experts in our imaginations elucidated unto us the vagaries of the happy time friends and the meany faces, incorrectly but widely known as the allies and the axis powers

Ask us about martyrs. We know this because tyler knows this.

Life is a slumber party. Can't wait to chill with Andy butterworth, that kid is funny on a stick.

I live in tempe now. Laura- I seeeee youuu!! Only not. Only I COULD. Because you are nigh.

So, I am in tempe now.
Tiffany's birthday approaches!
I will be in Georgia, soon. Dec. 21st until the 27th.
And on the 27th, i fly into New Jersey, for my NYC Jew trip, which goes until the 6th of january.
Then laura's birthday!
then my birthday!
then none of us will be teenagers anymore!

everyone's birthday present will be smoking jackets and pipes. then we will retire to the smoking room for brandies and a good chortle over the wall street journal.

so- that's the map.
phoenix to tempe to georgia to north carolina, to new jersey to new york to atlanta to phoenix to tempe to being 20.

"watching tv AND computerizing? wow."
ava just says Really Stupid Shit.

My mom is here, and she's playing a video game.
I'm on my computer. In a completely separate part of the room.
Soo.... ava just came into the room. and expressed disbelief that two different people could be doing two different things, in the same room.
jesus. Some people.

...actually, ava and richard are the Only two people i know who annoy me with Each sentence they say. they work well together.

I took a shower and i lost my tan.
I love the fair.

i wanna do one of those "write a sentence to someone anonymous, that they'll never read. say what you really want to say." things.
Except to fairgoers.


1) Really? Lindsey? You cowardly WHOREFACE!!!

...whooops. that was ... to ... someone ... Let's try again.

Dear Fair Attendees:

1) I'm not stupid.
2) Really, i'm not stupid.
3) Honestly i mean it, i am of AT LEAST average intelligence.
4) Sir, you come to the same stand four times and try to give me the exact same VERY counterfeit 20 dollar bill, the police get called. I'm not stupid, but you very much are.

5) I said i like your teddy bear necklace. This does NOT mean "And yes i'd LOVE to see your ring which is made of two men bending over
from the waist down, replete with Detailed genitalia." I don't CARE that your husband made both items. Btw i think he's gay.

6) STOP PLAYING LADY GAGA . ...because i'm starting to like it. :<

7) STOP PLAYING BRITTANY SPEARS!! THAT WILL I NEVER LIKE!!!! >:C

8) Sir, it's 103 outside. Why are you wearing a Full Mr. Incredible suit?

9) Set the turkey leg down and back AWAY from the deep fried Deep Fried Stick on a stick. Your obesity has reached intervention-worthy levels. (x500)

10) I do NOT know where the FUCKING chocolate covered and/or deep fried scorpions are. GO AWAY! (x13000)

11) look dumbass, you're caucasian. The stereotypical asian accent you put on, and the fake tantrum, do not make me any iota more inclined to comply with your "I try befo' i buy!" insistence. You could try not being an asshole. I doubt you'd buy it, though, it wouldn't fit you.

12) you're seventy. Do not try to hit on hot dog girls, even we have standards.

13) Dear 60-something at the next-door mexican food place; Rawr! ;D

14) How about i give you the Nutritional Facts of my ASS that way you don't have to worry about your precious caloric intake when you KISS IT! I saw you with your Fake-asian whiteboyfriend a few minutes ago. Get out of my sight, you sicken me.

15) SPEAK ENGLISH!

16) HABLE ESPANOL!!

17) Because YOU think I'M cute, this does not mean I give YOU discounts. 

18) I'm selling hot dogs, not myself. Though i gotta say my sausage is bigger...
than yours, i mean.

19) STOP FUCKING WINKING AT ME!!!!!
(x i can't even count how many, jebus)

lol, my job is awesome. I pretend to be angry because it's awesome. But i love everyone. The only people to Actually bug me were the asian and his violently health conscious friend, and the woman with the teddy bear necklace disturbed me a tad with her finger scrotums...
awesome awesome awesome day. another one tomorrow! XD

PEACE!

Tiffany- I have felt your pain. in the past. I know how awesome that can be. I'm sorry.

The state fair starts tomorrow. *thumbs up*
Tues and Thurs it's free to get in, from noon until 1.
Raven symone is performing, lol

Less from me shall be heard than usual. 12-16 hour days back in effect.

some monday (the day i have off), i will visit asu, and i will bring laura muffins.
She deserves muffins. :<
really GOOD ones!

things look up.
they do that.
I <3 you guys. ^_^

there is no worst part
it's all the worst part
but the worst part
is how completely HELPLESS i am, in all this

this is his decision, and only his. i tried to stay skeptical, because i thought it would protect me, but it still feels like my soul got removed with a sharp spoon

I wanted to go to his house and scream at him, tell him what a coward he is, how selfish he is, what a liar he is
i wanted to go to his house and demand a hug and a proper goodbye, out of respect for what we had, not a FUCKING TEXT
but i have to tuck my tail between my legs and go home and cry.

"I know we won't work out" i said.
fuck...i wanted us to... I wanted to marry him... I wanted "I'll never leave you" to MEAN SOMETHING!

 almost wish i'd had the chance to dump him
but no. if he had half a heart, i would NEVER want him to feel how i do now. I'd live a thousand years in misery before i'd have him feel as bad as i do right now.

i knew it was over when he said he'd made out with lindsey,  they'd been seeing each other, she's
...a better person.... i need to get the FUCK off the computer.

( Just things i wrote, just now )

Really, REALLY awesome video.
anyways

...tell you when you're older.
I'll have a complete fucking meltdown when i have the energy to.

I saw paranormal activity
it was GREAT it didn't scare me, but just because i was overly prepared for it. It was just really really really cool to see with a bunch of scared people.
"oh george!"

lol, for anyone familiar with my phone's memes, particularly the "Are you okay, babe?" video, then you should see the movie. and laugh.
there were some GREAT laughs in there, and great jumps too, haha

anyway, it DID shake me up quite a bit.
When we were leaving the theater, and i turned my phone back on, justin texted to break up with me.
yeah, again. he can do this.
weskippastthepartwherei'mcurledup,cryingandscreamingonthesideoftheroad,unabletobreatheithurtssobad,somewhereintempe
and we blame it on the movie.

it was an interesting evening. Got lost on the way to arizona mills, ended up at tempe marketplace and things worked out okay. Bought tix several hours early, and showed up for movie 45 minutes early. the line for the two theaters wrapped around the building twice, it was awesome.

okay. check back for my complete and utter meltdown. Cuz when your heart gets ripped out of your chest once, you can bet it gets bloodier and gorier the second time.
it's like the saw movies.

The best thing in life right now is that iTunes shuffle is being nice to me. It used to intuitively find every song i didn't care about, but right now it's putting together a playlist so good i couldn't have engineered it, it's so counterintuitive and amazing.

gorillaz to white stripes to scott mckown to the pillows and it's gorgeous.

I haven't been on here in a while because honestly i have had any feeling that couldn't be put into 140 characters.
If that's the case, i don't think it counts as a full on emotion.
But right now things are beautiful.

I'm reading the alice books through again, and it just makes me think of laura.
This poor girl is going through these strange things, and strange creatures keep harrassing and criticizing her, when she's really a very smart and sensible girl, she has to listen to them rant on, disregarding her interest or lack thereof, for hours, while she patiently observes, and gets rebuffed for putting in her two cents.
Lol, basically insights into friends' personalities. My tall pretty quiet friend is just a product of wonderland.


It feels like everyone around me sees tiffany all the time. FFS HARLEY has seen tiffany more, recently, than i have.

Thursday is teh big breakup with scott. and then things may proceed as they will with justin. I'll be more comfortable with whatever happens as a free woman.
I'm fairly certain he's just playing with my heart, but i'm okay with that. If it makes him feel better, helps him on this journey of his, then it's worth it. Feh, love. He can take me or love me as is convenient for him, the most calming thing i could do is to do something, anything, that i thought would make him happy. Even as far as giving him oodles of space.

Ever grateful to michael, my distant and impossible ideal, for convincing me to stay by not wanting to convince me to stay or affect my decisions in any way. lol, he's a pretty man.

I'm glad i didnt see eternal sunshine of the spotless mind at any point during that Broken Up period. Pretty sure it would have made me go crazy.

I hate how love is...everything that anyone ever said it was. I was texting michael that i wanted to find a number to mean love
he said that would be a variable
see? Beautiful.

Judaism is going well for me.
...okay no it's not, I'm terrible at being an observant jew.
On yom kippur, the two hugest rules are no eating and no work
I worked for 11 hours, eating pretty much constantly.
Tattoos are verboten.
I'm getting two more on saturday.

my tank girl tat
and a capricorn symbol.
to remind me forever to enjoy skepticism
they're fun. Very discordant, having nothing to do with one another.
all three of them. Random. Small. having nothing to do with one another. At extreme ends of my person.

I'll probably have to keep reminding myself to never get an ironic tattoo
because irony never
EVER 
comes across in a tattoo.
lawl.

okay, i think that's everything that's going on.
music. missing friends. Justin messing with me, and current events.

more peace and love than usual
more la la land than usual, too
Jules

P.S. garfunkel and oates. They are funny. i am love them.
www.youtube.com/watch

this is me in three years.

I had a really good day out, it got lame when i came home starting with Ava showing me a brutally murdered baby snake that made me super sad. ...I normally wouldn't have been, but I was mad that it was ava. So i decided to make my evening worse, and i started looking through the creme de la creme of antisemitic forums, as selected on something awful.

and i found this gem

soooo if you want to get extremely angry

( ohhhh so offensive... )

my voice is dead
went to my first real concert today

Pink. it was beautiful.

bohemian rhapsody was the best part
you have not sung that song
until you've done it in the company of several thousand lesbians

btw there were so many pretty lesbians there
and they were all older than me
but i didn't care.
I wanted one.

I danced like an idiot
because pink told me to
I sang at the top of my lungs
because pink told me to
(I would have done it at the behest of Amanda Palmer as well, however. ^_^)

It was like a four hour long singing of the national anthem
if we Really really REALLY cared
about a-murr-ca.


so loud
so pretty
soooo so so so so so good

I felt so socially awkward, but it was still fun
I was the only person
the ONLY person
wearing a hat.

good night,

melting ghost lady walks into the room
"Wow, it's so big without that quilt over the window!"
"yeah, sure is." I'm looking for something on the interwebs, so i'm not feeling spectacularly conversative.

"Sparkling blue pool..."
i say "Yeah, right!" thinking she's kidding
i look at her, and she looks SUPER hurt. And then i realize, shit, she's probably never seen the freaking pool. she's just saying things to make conversation.
she says see ya later and leaves

headdesk

snarky mean juli is going to easter island.
hookah in the backyard, looking into the depths of the sparkly blue  foamy green pool
somewhere where i'll stop hurting people... *emoface!*

lol, i've kinda liked today.
 

Oh yeah,
hell
is easter island.
so if i say i'm in easter island
yeah

i won't be able to explain this. ever.
it's just a new fact-of-juli.

richard can go to easter island.